While thankful to share his story of love and grief with the world, Christian singer Jeremy Camp is also enduring a painful time reliving the hardest time in his life.
I Still Believe is scheduled to be released in theatres this Friday, but the film has made for some difficult memories for Camp, The Christian Post reports.
The film follows Camp's life as he fell in love with his first wife, Melissa Lynn Henning-Camp, and through their short marriage until Henning-Camp's death in 2001. Camp and Henning-Camp were married for less than a year when she died of ovarian cancer.
"It's the hardest part of my life, where I actually experienced some very difficult grief and pain, so every time I watch it, I do break down because I'm reminded of that pain," says Camp.
The film was named after Camp's song, "I Still Believe" and stars country singer Shania Twain, who plays Camp's mother, as well as Riverdale's KJ Apa as Camp himself. Camp's late wife is played by Britt Robertson.
Camp says his current wife, Adrienne, has been his biggest support through the process of creating I Still Believe. The couple has been married for 16 years and has three kids.
The Christian singer recalls one difficult time on set during the filming of the movie where he felt God speak to him through his family.
"One beautiful thing that happened during the filming, we were filming and it was a really difficult scene and I had to walk away because I broke down," Camp says.
"I just started weeping, my wife followed me and I just cried on her shoulder for a while. I got back into the filming and I'm sitting there, and I'm watching my family and they're in front of me. It's my wife, my three kids. I'm like, 'Wow, God, look what you've done. I have my family now and I'm able to go and minister around the world, your goodness and your faithfulness.'"
In the midst of his sadness, Camp has found joy but remains honest about the trials he has endured in bringing his story to life through film.
"Honestly, I'm going to be real transparent with you; a lot of people say, 'Wow, a movie on your life, isn't that exciting?' Absolutely, I'm blown away that God allowed me to do this but it's hard — watching the film and being a part of it. It's the hardest part of my life, where I actually experienced some very difficult grief and pain. So I think the reality is, so every time I watch it, I do break down because I'm reminded of that pain," Camp says.
Through his pain, Camp says the film has opened more doors for him to share the Gospel, a key focus in the singer's life.
The mainstream success already garnered by the film shows how Camp's story is reaching people from various backgrounds.
"Of course, you want Christians to be encouraged with the film and I want believers to go watch it," Camp says, "but honestly, I want the people who don't know Jesus to watch this because I want them to understand that the only reason why I was able to get through my trial and we were able to get through that trial because He was by our side every moment."
Camp says the current generation is on a search for hope. "There are so many things and battles and divisions and all this and people are grasping for hope in some way. And for us to present this [movie] as a 'this is difficult, this is the trial, this is pain and hurt and loss, but there's hope,' I think that's so huge and pointing that hope to Jesus."
The film is one Camp says will honour the legacy of his late wife, Melissa, who said her illness and experience would be worthwhile if it could reach one person, prior to her death.
Camp says Melissa's family loves the film and believes it portrays her well.
"Of course, it's not easy, the whole thing is not easy for any of us so I don't take it lightly. It's a very hard thing because I, in a sense, got to move on and my heart goes out to them. They get an opportunity to show their sister, their daughter and portray how she was and I'm excited for that."
Going forward beyond I Still Believe, Camp hopes God will continue to use him to make a deeper impact.
"I don't want it to just be like 'Wow, all these doors are going to open, the masses are going to watch it.' It doesn't matter if there's no depth to the ministry. I think that I'm just at the point where I'm like 'Okay, Lord, I want to use this next season to walk in a place where I'm not looking at the big things.' Not that I don't have vision, not that I don't want big things. It's not what I mean, but I want depth over size."
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